I · Hope · That · One · Day · I · Can · Look · Back · Without · Wanting · To · Projectile · Vomit

Fabulous.

I want to live in London for the rest of my life. It's mad expensive though...pity

I love my exchange student she is so sweet and cool.

Current Location:	Not Where I Want To Be
Current Mood:	calm
Current Music:	The World At Large - Modest Mouse

So I was reading fanfiction and I saw a link to this myspace
Me being the curious little devil that I am clicked on it
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I had seen peole wearing To Write Love On Her Arms tee shirts before
I assumed it had something to do with a band that I wasn't familiar with.
*
As you probably already know I was wrong
*
Now I would like to state that I believe that the message this orginazation (what else do I call it?) has a very good goal
*
I do not however believe that it should be linked with religion (Christianity)
I understand that millions of people find hope and comfort in religion
But I feel that many of the people that TWLOHA seems to be aiming at are not too religious. 
(I could just be dealing in stereotypes here but humore me)
*
Faith is a quality I admire in peole
But while I'm sure it's helped lots of people I'm not sure that involving it so deeply in the "message" will turn some secular people away.
8
But I'm glad that at least something is out there if you need comfort or help
(well that and the hundreds of help lines)

Current Location:	Candy Mountain
Current Mood:	peaceful
Current Music:	Kiss From A Rose-Seal

So I went to a MCR concert
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Pretty much the best ever
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For anyone who hasn't seen them live, go do it now.
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They are SPECTACULAR.
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They are the best band live by far that I have ever seen
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Just for the record I'm a sappy love addict and a hopeless romantic
I also join causes like nobodys buisness
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I'm glad thats out there, becuase let me say, that concert was a religious experience for me.
Not in the Jesus religious way
but more in the "I-finally-have-something-to-live-for-something-that-gives-me-hope-and-helps-me-be-at-peace-with-the-world-and-myself"
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And Yes,
*
I'll Admit it
*
I cried
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Infact, between numbers I dry sobbed because it was just so damn moving
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I once swore to myself that I would never be one of those people who would be like "____ saved my life"
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I totally lied
*
Because while I can't honestly say that I have ever engaged in any self-destructive behavior I have come as close as one can get to the edge without falling off
*
But
*
I don't know
*
I remeber hearing MCR and thinking that these people get me
That somewhere out there is someone who understands how I feel
Sappy
I know
But it was like a total moment of epiphany for me
Because, like any self-centered angsty teen, I wrongly assumed that no one understood me
That I was all alone in this and that the only person I could ever rely on was myself
*
It was so relieving to hear someone else voicing my issues,and fear, and pain
That alone helped me through
Well
It helped me through a really bad time
(Details are cries for attention so I'll leave it at that)
*
And even though I am realistic about things (or at least as realistic as a teenager can be)
I still maintain that MCR saved my life
My story is probably not as moving nor as painful as some others I've heard (No cutting or drugs or alcohol)
But it's mine and I'm not about to claim something just to be cool 
(I like the radio, rap isn't evil, and I even am an MTV veiwer and I'm not going to deny those things)
So there you have it.
Someday when I'm older and wiser I'll get into what happened (who knows, it might be a best seller)
But untill then I'd just like to thank MCR becuase they've touched my life in a profound way and I'll never forget that
*
*
Wow
That was heartfelt
But on to the concert
MCR was great (see above)
*
Julien K sucked ass
*
Their music sucked (Voice distorter is not your friend and they crossed the line with the number of keyboards)
Their stage presance sucked (Acting like an asshole doesn't make you a rockstar)
And to be honest they reminded me of the retarded love child of AFI and Flock Of Seagulls
*
Placebo was good
Their music was good
Their stage presance wasn't riveting but at least they weren't trying too hard (in fact a little more effort would have been nice)
They seemed like decent musicians too
*
I'm going to say it
HIM is one of the worst live band, if not THE worst live band I have ever seen
For the whole set no one moved
Ville Valo had a cigarette in his hand the entire time (I thought that was disrespectful, and it was not in the least bit cool)
I couldn't understand a word that was said
They were just boring
There was no energy to speak of
Now I don't really care for their music but I thought that their live preformance would at least have some pazzaz
I was sadly mistaken
*
I Love Taking Back Sunday
And Adam Lazzara (but that's not the point)
They put on a good show
They actually (gasp) moved around the stage
I enjoy airborn mics but the friend I was with pointed out that this act was not in the least bit original
But I still loved it
*
So that was my overall concert experience
*
Funsies

Current Location:	Under The Cork Tree
Current Mood:	calm
Current Music:	Stolen-Dashboard Confessional

Hello My Name Is Emma
(Hi Emma)
And I am addicted to slash fanfiction
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As I've said before I should be in rehab for this shit
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But I love it too much to give it up
*
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You know I've noticed something
I've noticed that all of the slash writers I find online are teenage girls
I swear to God
I'm not quite sure why this is
I mean all the slash I've read has been written by 
-a girl
-age 14-25 (ages are approximate because no one is honest on the internet)
- has a very dirty mind
-and has a surprisingly accurate knowledge of gay sex/relationships/men in general
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I find this odd
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I have no idea why this is
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I mean I suppose it could be because gay men are similar to teen girls in the fact that both are attracted to men
*
Wow
*
That was not at all deep or insightful
*
Maybe it's because as young women are reading this they finds it less threatening then het stories.
It's something they will never do, so the idea of it isn't as daunting.
*
Well that's not to say that these young women won't have anal sex
*
But they will never get a boner(unless there is surgery involved)
They will never be in a gay relationship with a man (see above)
*
So writing and reading about these things allows for sexual stimulation and feelings without getting into that whole 
"I'm-probably-going-to-do-this-one-day-and-I-don't-know-how-I-feel-about-that" thing
*
Perhaps teen girls find the idea that their "heroes", for lack of a better word, are gay appealing.
That makes them less attainable and therefore it's easier to accept that you'll never be with them
Losing them to another women leaves you feeling a bit of irrational anger and jealousy
Okay
Not really irrational
I mean they've built up these people as icons
God-like figures, if you will
And in many cases they've obsessed over these people and dream of even just meeting them (*cough*me*cough*)
Even losing them to a fictional character that you don't know or adore stirs up these feelings
*
The idea that they can be had and held by some nobody,
By someone who you've never even heard of,
Is maddening.
But more then that it leaves you feeling profoundly lonely and isolated
(There should be a support group for these people)
Is saddening
It's almost as if the guy you like asked out your worst enemy 
(No offense is meant to the girlfriends of these people, I'm sure they're lovely ladies)
*
I think I just started sounding a wee bit psycho
*
I wish these people the best in life
I'm happy if they find someone who they love and who loves them unconditionally
*
But undoubtedly I'll also feel a little betrayed 
But those feelings pass
After all it's not like I ever had a chance to begin with

Current Location:	In The Middle Of A Gunfight, In The Center Of A Restaurant
Current Mood:	confused
Current Music:	What's Up? - 4 Non Blondes

Have you ever met someone who makes you feel worthless.
Well not worthless exactly,
More like less-then
or maybe
sub-par
Whatever you call it they pretty much make you feel like shit.
But not on purpose
Never on purpose
They just make you feel stupid
and slow
and ugly
and fat
and an all around bead person
Like how they seem to do everything better then you can
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I have one of those people in my life.
Someone who I always seem to be behind, trying to catch up with
Not only do I know this person personally
I am related to this person
My cousin
She always seems to be doing what I am only so much better
It makes me sick sometimes
But I love her
and I'm pretty sure she's not trying to make me feel worthless
She just does it naturally
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God that made me sound like some wimp who has no back bone to speak of
someone who is always blaming other people for their own problems
someone who can only see the worst in themselves
a Peter Pettigrew of a person, if you will
*
I swear I'm not normally like this.
It's just right now I want to ring her neck for being everything I'm not
But I'll refrain
*
*
Murder doesn't look good on your college application
*
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Plus I love her
*
*
I guess

Current Location:	Home Is Where I Hide The Bodies
Current Mood:	predatory
Current Music:	Bleed and Blister-Moeen

Now I know that there are better ways to spend my time other then reading treckett fan fiction. 
I just can't seem to think of them right now.

Peace between our two lands
...
...
What is that line from?
...
Or is it-
Peace between our two nations? Countries? Kingdoms? Families?
Whatever
I have no fucking clue
*
I should be reading the asigned summer novel but I can't bring myself to let my eyes wander from afore mentioned fan fiction.
I swear to god I should be in rehab for this shit
*
But
Oh well
I don't really care
*
*
The great thing about being a semi-insomniac is that you can have your thoughts to yourself without having to rationalize anything...
Does that make sense?
I mean when it's light out I feel as though I'm this normal, if not somewhat mediocre person
But at night
Man at night I feel like I'm some sort of creative genius
(Don't worry my illusions of grandeur are limited from 2-3 AM)
Like I have this power that I have to use
I'm fucking superman
Just with much less testosterone and more eyeliner

Current Location:	The Proactive Commercial, Chatting Up P. Diddy
Current Mood:	drained
Current Music:	Nada

I've just looked up my area.

Saw some people I recognized.

But I'm not about to try and contact any of them.


The thing with me is that if I don't know you in person I will be hesitant to talk to you online.
I'm terrified of internet predators

Okay terrified is the wrong word

I guess wary would be more precise
And it doesn't make me sound like a complete wimp

This my third or fourth livejournal

My other ones were never even posted on.

But at least with this one I'm trying


I want to get to know peole online.
I will try my darnedest to meet people who are interested in the same things I am.

I also want a cool icon.
That someone else doesn't already have

I guess I'll have to make one...

To bad I suck at being creative on computers

Current Location:	Check Under Your Bed
Current Mood:	discontent
Current Music:	Party Like A Rockstar-Shop Boyz